Repair and Reattachment Grief Therapy
- Craig Hogan, Ph.D.
The research into the effectiveness of using bilateral stimulation to treat grief and trauma has determined that the psychotherapy method has a marked effect on reducing the disturbing qualities of traumatic images and negative memories of past events that have haunted people for years, even decades. EMDR, the most widely used bilateral stimulation procedure, has been recognized as a valid psychotherapy method by the American Psychological Association, the Veterans Administration Hospitals, Israeli National Council for Mental Health, Dutch National Steering Committee on Mental Health Care, International Society for Traumatic Stress, French National Institute of Health and Medical Research, National Institute for Clinical Excellence, United Kingdom Department of Health, and other respected bodies. It has been called the “breakthrough therapy for overcoming anxiety, stress, and trauma.”
In the 1990s, psychotherapists were surprised to have their clients report during bilateral stimulation sessions that while their eyes were closed, they had contact with the deceased person involved in the clients’ trauma or grief. The contacts markedly reduced their feelings of grief and the impacts of the traumatic memories. It appeared likely that this breakthrough procedure that enables people to reprocess and desensitize memories was also opening a portal to the afterlife.
In 2010, Rochelle Wright refined the use of bilateral stimulation to help people in grief connect with their deceased loved ones to the extent that, to date, 100% of her clients who come for the procedure have had afterlife connections. The method is called Repair and Reattachment Grief Therapy. Loved ones who have passed come to the clients to reassure them that they are alive and well and that the clients should continue their lives until they are reunited in the future. There are heartwarming conversations, hugs, and even kisses.
The experiences have a dramatic effect on grief and traumatic memories. In a study of how much the Repair and Reattachment Grief Therapy procedure reduced the disturbing qualities of images and thoughts related to the trauma or death, the 45 clients in the study reported that their levels of disturbance reduced from an average of 9.1 on a 10-point scale of disturbance before the session to an average of 1.42 after it, a remarkable drop of 8.5 points. If the 10+, 10+++, 10+++, and 10++++ scores experiencers often assign to memories before the session are assigned values higher than 10, the reduction in disturbance is even more remarkable.
However, it appears that the Repair and Reattachment Grief Therapy sessions do more than simply reduce the experiencers’ feelings of grief and trauma associated with memories of the loved one’s passing. As more of the Repair and Reattachment Grief Therapy have occurred, the psychotherapists and researchers studying the content and effects of the sessions have discovered that in most of the Repair and Reattachment Grief Therapy, loved ones living in the afterlife are actively encouraging the client, providing perspectives on life, giving counsel about how to move forward, and participating in healing psychological problems originating in the clients’ childhoods and traumas associated with the person’s passing. They seem to be participating in the clients’ psychotherapy. These interventions by those living on the next plane of life result in dramatic healing of psychological maladies, some of which have plagued the clients for decades. These purposeful interventions by those in spirit are so common and so effective the procedure might be referred to as afterlife connection psychotherapy.
The accounts of Repair and Reattachment Grief Therapy contained in the January 2012 Repair and Reattachment Grief Therapy newsletter illustrate the interventions by people living on the next plane of life in ways that are intentionally focused on healing the clients’ psychological difficulties.
This paper describes the evidence that this appears to be happening and the characteristics of these apparent interventions by loved ones living on the next plane of life. Those coming from the next planes of life speak with remarkable insight and understanding in ways that help the client reconsider thoughts and interpretations of events. The examples that follow are taken from the book, Guided Afterlife Connections/Repair and Reattachment Grief Therapy, and from accounts described by the psychotherapists whose clients gave them permission to share the stories. The accounts are divided into categories that illustrate the characteristics of these purposeful, focused interventions by those in spirit.
Setting the stage
They “set the stage” by offering situations and images that enable the client to see situations and beliefs from new perspectives. The fact that the images, scenes, and interactions facilitate conveying the insights being learned indicates that those in spirit are setting the stage for the experience to help the client learn and grow. Some examples follow:
- In my own experience, I described the change from the focus on my grandmother, whom I had targeted, to my parents, from whom I would receive a wonderful message about our relationship: "It all changed, and I could see myself as a little boy playing on the living room floor in my grandma and grandpa’s house, but they weren’t with me. Then my mother and father came to me, looking very young, as they were when I was a child. They both knelt down with me and I got the message,’We loved you too! We couldn't show it then, but we love you now!’”
- In Judy’s afterlife connection, she experienced a scene that set the stage to teach her. She found herself in the woods with her father where the message unfolded: “He is teaching me. I saw Dad and me in the woods. I remember he used to take me into nature and show me things. He would teach me about flowers and trees and insects. Just now when my eyes were closed, I watched myself as a little girl with my father. He was talking and explaining things.”
- In another part of Judy’s Repair and Reattachment Grief Therapy session, the scene changed to fit the message she was being given: “I saw myself as a little girl and as the woman I am now, standing face-to-face. As a little girl, I didn’t get the attachment I wanted from my father, and today as a woman, my expectations for attachments are really high. I push my feelings down because I want connections with others so strongly that I don’t want to be disappointed.”
- Peggy described this scene that those in spirit brought to her: "Mom’s young now, in her 20s or 30s. I saw myself as a child sitting on her lap, but I had adult knowledge. She said to me,’It's Dad's journey.’ Over and over she said that. ’What you do is fine. It is his journey.'”
- Maggie described this scene: “They’re showing me the image of Eleanor, my daughter, who’s living. Her body opens up and the light of her soul is revealed; it is beautiful, exquisite. They’re telling me she’s the next generation. They know that I get it. Grandmother showed me a tapestry. It is the tapestry of our lives.”Maggie’s scene then changed to give her other insights: “Now I'm seeing Grandmother riding in a car with Wiley and he’s teasing her. She loved that. She’s got one hand on Wiley’s shoulder and one hand on mine. There are power and stability in the relationship between Grandmother, Wiley, and me. Our connection to her is the same somehow.”
- Missy had the remarkable experience of watching what happened when at the time it happened to her as a child, she was unconscious. Missy said she saw the scene when her father was molesting her. But she had been unconscious and had no memory of it. She saw her seven-year-old brother come in. "I never knew that," she said. “I didn’t know that Ben was there.” Her father had left but then came back into the scene. He was panicked because Missy was unconscious; he thought he had killed her. She continued to see the scene she had no memory of. “There was a lot of yelling,” she said. Ben, her brother, was yelling at their father. “They’re trying to revive me. They’re both bending over me and tending to me. Now it doesn’t seem frantic. It seems calmer.”
- Judy described insights she received from her father in spirit that began with a dream she had been given prior to her session. Her father used the content of the dream to present her with new perspectives during the session. She was put into the scene with her father in nature as he taught her: “My father is teaching me, a little girl, about nature, but I got the message that he’s also teaching me right now about what I am doing as a woman. That’s what the dream was all about. I was the learner as a little girl and I am the learner now. But the other thing is, I’m also the adult woman teaching my little girl self. “ It seemed that the dream and the Repair and Reattachment Grief Therapy session were carefully coordinated to give her the insights to help her understand her relationship to her father.
- Kate, Mary’s mom, gave Mary images intended to help her learn what appears to be her direction in life. “Something is spurring me on to bring justice to an unjust world,” she said at one point. When she opened her eyes after another set of eye movements, she said, “What came up was my great-grandma who helped start the Salvation Army in Scotland. And I was hearing Saint Francis of Assisi’s words,’Where there is sadness, bring joy. Where there is despair, bring hope.’ It kind of went on and on, like they’re telling me not to be so self-absorbed and concerned about my financial situation and everything else in my life. I should help out the world. I should get out there and do something. That’s what they were saying.” After another set of eye movements, Mary said, “I got the image of a huge hotel my grandmother’s family had built. Now, it’s turned into senior housing. It started out to make a profit, but now it’s become a shelter for people who need it. It is helping people now, even though it started as a profit-making venture. That’s where my life is heading.”
- Maggie’s family seemed to have brought her into a scene in which they could give her reassurance about their love and continuing life in spirit: “The sun was on my face. I was in the sunlight. I was flying toward the source. They were reminding me,’It’s OK.’ Then I got a hug from everybody one at a time. I held my brother really hard. They love me so much, and they know I miss them all. They gave me some tools and said,’Hold onto these. They’re light. You’ll be able to use these. Turn away from the dark. We’ll see you in your dreams.’ I hugged Wiley, squeezed him, and cried on his shoulder. Rochelle, I feel comforted and loved. I am not alone.”
Giving new perspectives
In someRepair and Reattachment Grief Therapy, those in spirit give the client new perspectives that are clearly intended to help the client understand situations differently and heal the issues that had been created by the clients’ not understanding what had happened or the perspectives of other people involved.
- Judy felt that her father didn’t love or appreciate her. In her session, he spoke with her to change her perspective on how he showed his love to her when she was a child: “My father wants me to accept and acknowledge that what he did for me showed he was attached. ’Acceptance’ he said. ’Acceptance of what I did for you. Look at how I took care of you. I built houses. I went to work every day. I tended a garden. I was very attached to you. I gave you everything I had.’” She paused for a moment and said, “Rochelle, now I realize I had never understood that before.”
- In another part of her session, Judy’s father explained why he seemed to be cold to her when she was a child: “Dad says he’s making no judgment. He says his emotional distance was the safe way for him. It felt familiar to him because that was his childhood experience.”
- April’s father brought new perspectives to her about their relationship when she was a little girl: "I grew up thinking that Daddy didn't care that much about me. . . Now I'm getting answers. First, back when I was leaving my parents’ house to take the train home and Daddy kissed me on the cheek, I never realized how hard that was for him, and I didn’t appreciate it at a time. I understand and appreciate that more now.“The second thing was that maybe the reason he had reservations about adopting was that he was concerned about how it would affect me.” I [Rochelle] said, "Ask the question,’Was the reason you had reservations about adopting a baby that you were concerned about how it might affect me?’ We did the eye movements and her dad came through right away. April told me, "He said,’It should have been the reason,’ but I got that it had more to do with Daddy's life with Mom. He said he knows everything now. He can see! He told me that understanding what he knows now, the adoption’s effect on me should have been the reason that he had reservations about adopting.”
Another component of the Repair and Reattachment Grief Therapy that seems to indicate that those in spirit are coming to help in their loved ones’ psychotherapy is that many of the sessions are filled with pointed teaching intended to help the client change beliefs, coping behaviors, and understanding about his or her relationships and life situations.
- Judy felt that what her father was doing during the Repair and Reattachment Grief Therapy was teaching her: “I feel as though I’m learning lessons. I got the message that I’m pushing my feelings down because I am afraid that if I allow myself to become emotionally open and attached, I will only set myself up to be disappointed later. They’re my feelings coming from my childhood. That’s what I’m sensing and that’s why I keep my feelings down.”After more eye movements, she said, “Dad is telling me that it was true for the little girl but it doesn’t have to be true for me now. What I’ve been doing is making myself busy so I don’t think about these feelings of not feeling attached, of emotional abandonment. That’s been my coping strategy all along.”
- Michael had been focusing on his mother’s passing and didn’t have the self-confidence to move ahead in his life. She came to him with a message that clearly was intended to help him move forward. “Michael wanted to ask, ‘Are you proud of me, Mom?’ So we did another set of eye movements and the afterlife connection began. When he opened his eyes, he smiled broadly and told me, “She said she is proud of me. She said I should let go of the past and move forward.”
- Emma’s grandmother spoke at length to her, referring to her own murder and telling Emma that she needs to learn to live without fear: “Grandma said, ’Come on. Come on.’ I asked, ’How?’ I felt that Grandma was a little agitated. She said,’I will guide you if you just listen, and then you will see that fear is deadly. Fear is deadly and it is killing you. What you are doing to yourself is worse than what happened to me. You’re living in a state of paralysis, and I fought to the end. They paralyzed me and left me for dead, but they didn’t win. I did.’”After another set of eye movements and a brief period with her eyes closed, Emma opened them and said, “I asked Grandma,’How do I keep fear from controlling my life?’ And what came through from Grandma was ’You block yourself. Don’t you see believing in yourself is the answer? Believing in yourself is what overcomes fear. Know what you stand for without wavering. That is what creates peace. In the end, those men paralyzed me. I fought to the end and I knew where I was going, not that I wanted to go, but I knew it was the end. You were born fearful, but you will overcome it. It’s a process.’” Then Grandma said,’Two, love yourself with a vengeance. Do not live your life in fear. I will always be behind the light. Live by these rules and you will be complete. . . . Release, Emma; it’s time. It’s time to release your fear, your pain, and your anxiety. Release it. We are all behind the light. The light is on your path. All you need to do is follow it. We are with you by your side as you go down your path. We can't do it for you, but you will do it. It’s all about getting out of the black hole and letting go of the past. Fear will not dictate your anxiety; your passions will.’
- We did another set of eye movements and Emma closed her eyes. When she opened her eyes, she said, “Grandma said to me,’Emma, do this. One, go home, make tapioca pudding, and warm your soul. Two, trust in the process. You need to work on your fears and you will be done. Go back to what we started on and you will understand your fear. Live in the dark or live in the light, it’s a choice. I can't do it for you but I can show you the way. The right answers always carry an underlying sense of peace, the wrong path, an underlying sense of anxiety. There’s the dark and there is the light and that is your choice. We are on the lighted path. Go down the lighted path. The past is done. Go down the path that is lit. It’s time to let go of me in this world. I’ll always be behind the light. Trust in your transformation. You will find peace and happiness. I am at peace.’”
- “There are two things you need to understand. One, I am a metaphor for your life: the big black hole and the trunk of the car that I was in.’ I said,’For me?’ But Grandma just continued. ’That’s how you have been living your life. The black hole was too late for me. It’s not too late for you. You need to get out of it.’
- Peggy’s mother pointedly told her what to do in her life situation: "My sisters and Mom were in a circle, and Mom said,’Do good self-care. I didn't teach you the importance of good self-care.’"
- Rebecca’s mom, Jane, told her how she and her siblings should change their relationships with each other: “Then I saw Mom. She was standing, looking younger, holding her arms up over her head like a messiah, creating this big rainbow. Then she was scolding all of us. Mom said,’You all get along. You all get along. Stop being so competitive. It’s not about who’s got the most. It’s about love and connection.’“Mom said,’You have a lot to learn about competition. You learned your competitiveness from me. Competitiveness is not a bad thing, but there are nuances you have to learn from it. I will help you. Something very important for you to realize is that we are all here to learn, and there’s a lot to learn about. There are three important things to learn about: competitiveness, accomplishment, and not being intimidated by anyone. You are learning these lessons in your career right now. You’re doing what you’re supposed to be doing. Keep an open mind. Let go of expectations. Be present with what you are doing. It will all come together in a big, ah-ha, ah-ha.’”
- Maggie’s grandmother came to her in her Repair and Reattachment Grief Therapy session with pointed advice: “My grandmother came to me. She was reassuring me:’Let it go, let it go.’”
- Tom was taught a lesson about life by his grandfather. He called the teaching a gift. His grandfather said, “This is not a life of suffering. This is a life of purpose. Even in suffering, this is a life of purpose. We must know how to tolerate these physical distractions and maintain a presence, a sense of purpose.” Tom explained, “That was his gift to me. That’s what I needed to learn. What he meant was this is not a life of suffering as grandfather had suffered. You must maintain a life of purpose.” He was visibly moved by the words his grandfather spoke. “This was his gift to me,” he said.“Grandfather is saying, ‘Stay in the light. The other is just stuff. Stay in the light.’ I understand. The things outside the light are not about me. Light is the presence of God. I feel such a closeness with my grandfather right now. I now know what was true then and why I loved my grandfather. While all of this was happening, I felt my grandfather’s presence.” Tom ended by saying, “Now I know what love is.”
Setting the record straight
Another way those in spirit intervene to help their loved ones heal psychological problems is by giving explanations that are intended to set the record straight. They tell them what really happened in the past.
- Peggy was told by her mother what was going on when Peggy was a child: “I saw Mom. She said,’I tried to protect you from Dad’s drinking, but I see it wasn't the right thing to do. I wish I could have treated you as lovingly when you were growing up as I treated my grandchildren. I can see the importance of that now.’”
- Daniel apologized for passing in Marie’s apartment: “Danial said,’Take your time, go slow. Don’t get overwhelmed with all of your finances and this experience you’ve been through with me. It will all fall into place. Take one step at a time.’ Then he told me,’I didn’t mean to die in your apartment. I didn’t know where to go. I just wanted to disappear into a corner.’ “I felt like my thoughts were floating again, back into the apartment. The corner where Daniel passed away has turned into a comfortable cradle to me. It feels soft and downy in that corner. It is so different for me now. I'm getting from him now that he’s in a better place.”
- Lauren’s mother explained why she was so critical of Lauren when she was young: “I heard my mother’s voice say ‘I criticized Lauren because I thought I was horrible.’”
- Merna received a message from her biological mother that she didn’t expect to receive. It changed her perspective on her mother’s relationship with her: “Merna was surprised when her biological mother, who was not the target for the connection, came to her. Merna was astonished by the visitation. As the afterlife connection proceeded, Merna was guided to the realization that just as she had a secure attachment to her biological mother prior to birth through the umbilical cord, she was still attached to her mother in a loving way and always would be. The visitation and the message were, in her words ‘quite healing, and I must say unexpected. This insight brought release for me.’”
- Tom’s grandfather came to help him understand why he had attacked Tom’s father when Tom was five years old: “It’s not frightening anymore,” Tom said. “I’m getting the message that his paranoid schizophrenic thoughts were from his post-traumatic stress disorder. I realize now that he wasn’t trying to harm anyone. I feel empathy for my grandfather.”
Unfolding messages through dreams
Dreams play prominent roles in the Repair and Reattachment Grief Therapy. They often occur just before the session involving the person targeted at the session. It appears that the loved one in spirit intervenes in the client's psychotherapy before the session even begins by providing information that will help in making the connection and understanding its contents.
The dreams also occur after the session. As Rochelle says, “Repair and Reattachment Grief Therapy sessions turn on the dream machine.” The dreams are filled with more insights and perspectives that help the client further grow in understanding, self-confidence, and resolve to live life more fully. Some examples follow.
- A dream after Judy’s first Repair and Reattachment Grief Therapy session brought information to Judy that provided a link to the contents of the second Repair and Reattachment Grief Therapy session. This is the account: “At the beginning of her second Repair and Reattachment Grief Therapy session, Judy said, ‘I'm doing well. I'm doing really well. I had a dream about my father. I’ve never dreamt about him before.’“Judy put on the audio bilateral headphones and relaxed for the Repair and Reattachment Grief Therapy procedure. I said, ‘Bring up the dream’ and guided her through the eye movements. Judy closed her eyes, focusing on the dream about her father.“After more eye movements, Judy opened her eyes with an amazed look on her face: “My father is teaching me, a little girl, about nature, but I got the message that he’s also teaching me right now about what I am doing as a woman. That’s what the dream was all about. I was the learner as a little girl and I am the learner now. But the other thing is, I’m also the adult woman teaching my little girl self.”
- “When she opened her eyes, she said, ‘He is teaching me. I saw Dad and me in the woods. I remember he used to take me into nature and show me things. He would teach me about flowers and trees and insects. Just now when my eyes were closed, I watched myself as a little girl with my father. He was talking and explaining things.’
- Deidre also had a dream between Repair and Reattachment Grief Therapy sessions: “She said that after the first session, she spent an evening looking through pictures of her ex-husband, Sam. That night she had a dream of him. In the dream, he came back to her. But she didn’t care if he left or stayed. Deidre explained, ‘I was wondering if he was going to leave. I saw him looking into a mirror in the bathroom. I didn’t want him to leave, though. I wanted things to be the way they were for our family, but not the bad parts. I wanted a functional relationship. I didn’t want him drinking. I just wanted the good parts.’
- Lauren had come to have a Repair and Reattachment Grief Therapy with her mother, Rose. During the session, she described scenes that didn’t make sense at first. A dream she had before the session brought the contents of the Repair and Reattachment Grief Therapy into perspective. It seemed that those in spirit had orchestrated the contents of the dream and then the session: “We did another set of eye movements. Lauren reported, ‘I saw Grandma again. I saw her dead and alive. She was on the back porch, then out in the front. The door was open, and it was so light. Things just feel open.’“I said to Lauren, ‘Ask Grandma, “Is there anything you want to tell me about all of this?’ We did a set of eye movements and she said, ‘Grandma told me, “We’re all with you, Lauren.”’ A look of realization formed on her face. ‘Of course, that’s the meaning of the doors. I had a dream last week and in it, there was an open door. I sensed that it was an open door between two worlds. Now she’s saying to me, “It doesn’t matter how it opened.” Rochelle, it doesn’t seem possible. How do I know that about the doors that were in my dream and the open doors I just saw in Grandma’s house?’
- “I did another set of eye movements and Lauren closed her eyes. When she opened them, she reported, ‘Grandma said to me, “Lauren, I told you we’re all with you. Have I ever lied to you, Lauren? The door is open. We can go in and we can go out.”’ Lauren said to me, ‘Rochelle, in the dream, Grandma was breathing. It meant you can be alive and dead. There is a piece of me that doubted, but I never expected to hear those words.’”
- Tom’s grandfather used a dream to make it clear to Tom that he wanted to have contact with him: “Tom arranged a session with Rochelle, but wasn’t sure which person living in the afterlife to target. The evening before his session, Tom had a dream about his grandfather. He had never, in the 48 years since his grandfather’s passing, had a dream about him. It was immediately clear to Tom that he was to target his grandfather in the session.”The result of the Repair and Reattachment Grief Therapy session was that Tom understood an incident that happened in his childhood involving his grandfather, and he felt a stronger bond than ever with his grandfather after the Repair and Reattachment Grief Therapy. It appeared that his grandfather wanted to connect with him to give him that new realization and renew their bond of love.
- Marie had a dream prior to her normal psychotherapy session, not a Repair and Reattachment Grief Therapy session. It turned out that the dream was an entrée into having Marie’s grandmother come into her session to help her with her psychotherapy. Her grandmother agreed that she had orchestrated the dream: “At the beginning of one psychotherapy session, after she put on the headset with bilateral music and sounds alternating in volume between ears, Marie said, ‘I had this dream about my grandmother. She’s been gone for years now. I was driving my van and my grandmother appeared in the van. There was cheese all over the floor of the van and I was terribly upset and embarrassed by the mess. My grandma said,’Let those old folks walk in it. Don’t worry about it.’“Although I wasn’t doing a Repair and Reattachment Grief Therapy with Marie, I wanted to see if some insights from her grandma might help her in our psychotherapy session. So I said, ‘OK, let’s try this, Marie. Ask your grandma, “Was that you in my dream?”’ I did a set of eye movements and Marie closed her eyes. When she opened them, she said, ‘I just asked, “Was that you in my dream, Grandma?” And she answered! I could hear Grandma’s voice saying, “Of course it was me. I miss you. I haven’t seen you for so long. You need to come and see me more often. I miss your stories. There was always something new happening in your life.”’”
- Missy had a succession of dreams after her Repair and Reattachment Grief Therapy. In each, she received another insight about her life and her future. Brief summaries of the dreams follow.Dream 1: The “Off the coast of Africa: in unchartered territory” dream. "I saw Rochelle and her friends busy in a class. Rochelle and her friends had armloads of books and we were headed together to another class. I was looking younger, just like my mother. Our images blurred so we looked alike. I’m just like mom and mom is just like me. When I woke up, I realized some things from the dream. I felt like I didn’t belong with Rochelle’s group because I wasn't educated. I always felt that looking good was most important. I had that feeling, and my mother had it too. We wanted to look good, but the dream was telling me looking good is not enough. I realized then that I had to go on to search for meaning and wholeness. I was indeed in unchartered territory. The dream taught me that."Dream 3: The “Sailboat dream.” “I was sailing. It was beautiful. . . . I was heading out into clear, glassy water. I could see the white clouds in the water. I remembered that it was my mom’s birthday, but I realized that it was the birth of my new life. I was heading out in clear, smooth water, under a clear sky with white clouds. I felt like I was in control of my life. I felt free. I realized I didn’t need anything from my mom. I was sailing away from her. When I woke up, I recalled the dream. It was a very exhilarating dream. ‘I am not turning back,’ I said to myself. I was nervous because I wasn’t used to be in control of my life, but I am not turning back.”Dream 5: The “liberator bomber dream.” “In this dream I saw a liberator bomber flying . . . being hit by anti-aircraft flak. There were so many holes the plane’s exterior looked like lace. I realized that the plane had taken a lot of abuse, just like me. But it kept right on flying. It didn’t crash. I realized that my spirit and my wholeness have kept me from crashing. I’ve had a terrible amount of abuse, but my own inner strength is keeping me going without crashing.”
- Dream 4: The “bald-headed baby dream.” “I had been bald as a baby until I was two years old. In this dream, I was on an airplane as a stewardess. I was given a bald-headed baby to take care of. I knew it was me. I intended to take care of that baby, so I fastened my seat belt to take especially good care of this bald-headed baby. The mother was too distracted to take care of her. The father handed her to me. When I awoke, I said to myself, ‘How much clearer can it be. I need to take care of myself. Mother couldn’t take care of me, but now I can take care of myself.’”
- Dream 2: The “Blanket on the grave dream.” “In this dream, my mother was wrapped in a blanket that she was pulling around her. She was saying, ‘I am really all right. I am really all right.’”
Reassurances given to clients
by those in spirit
The loved ones in spirit also come to encourage clients not to feel guilty or sad by reassuring them that they are fine now.
- Terry’s mother had fallen on concrete as Terry watched, helpless. She felt guilty about it since that fall had precipitated her mother’s decline and passing. This is the account from the book: “The most distressing memory was the image of her mom falling on the concrete. I guided her through ten minutes of repeated cycles of eye movements and experiences with her eyes closed. Then, when she opened her eyes after a set of eye movements, she said, "Mom came to me. She said ’It's not your fault. Don't feel guilty. I'm all right.’”
- April’s father came to her with encouragement because he knew she had lived her life feeling alone: “After another set of eye movements, April reported, ‘Daddy said, “I know you have felt alone all your life. All these people are here for you and love you.” He said he feels total acceptance and belonging there. Then he said to me, “The things you have felt your whole life alone, April, you will feel differently. You will feel a sense of acceptance and belonging. When you feel like you are alone and don't belong, think of this vision of me and of everyone here, going back and back and back for generations. You are a part of us.”’”
- Shawn received a clear message from his mother reassuring him that she is fine and he should go on with is life: “He opened his eyes and said he heard his mother’s voice distinctly saying, really loudly, ‘I’m OK.’ ‘I felt heat all over my back,’ he said. I later told him that that was her presence. The afterlife connection was very short, but the effect was profound.”
- Ginnie explained to her psychotherapist, Bonnie, that her feelings of guilt and homesickness were complicated by her sadness at feeling that her family was ashamed of her because of her unplanned pregnancy. The feelings had remained with her through the years after her mother’s passing. In the Repair and Reattachment Grief Therapy, Ginnie experienced her mother coming to her and speaking to her. She reassured Ginnie that she loved her dearly in life, and continues to love her from the other side. She supported her decision to move to the United States and felt no blame towards her for her pregnancy. At the end of the session, Ginnie said that the guilt she had felt had lifted from her, and she felt that she had been and still is genuinely loved by her mother.
- Sherrie had deep feelings of guilt and sadness over her co-worker Trent who passed from being hit by a falling tree. During her Repair and Reattachment Grief Therapy session, Sherrie connected with Trent. He was very insistent that she could have done nothing to prevent the accident, that she was not to blame, and that she should “get out there and live life!” The result of the session was that Sherrie’s traumatic memories were no longer distressing. She returned to the site of the accident for the first time in 12 years. There, she met with some of the others who were working with her when she and Trent were there. She felt completely at ease with what happened.
Advising about life issues
Another area in which loved ones in spirit intervene to help clients is in advising about life issues.
- Jourdan connected with her husband, Ion, who answered her question about what to do with her family. He said, “Give to your family from your heart, but don’t be attached to the outcome.”
- Peggy’s mother advised Peggy about how to deal with her living father: "Mom said to me,’It's Dad's journey.’ Over and over she said that. ’What you do is fine. It is his journey.'”
- Joyce had wanted to travel with her mother, Ruth, but Ruth passed before they had the chance. In Joyce’s Repair and Reattachment Grief Therapy session, her mother gave her advice about what to do: “I got a message from Mom. She said ’You can do the traveling. I will be with you. You tour around the country.’ She gave me permission to bring into reality what I wanted for her and me. Mom will be with me. I feel she’s close to me even if she’s not in this world.”
Encouraging and nurturing
Those in spirit also intervene to improve the psychological condition of the clients by encouraging and nurturing them.
- Jourdan reported this about what Ion, her husband now in spirit, said to her: “He said to me,’I’m always here. Be happy. You need to grow, to push yourself. It’s easier to stay the same. You need to fly.’”
- Larry, Lori’s husband, encouraged her to live life fully: “Lori opened her eyes and told me, ‘Larry said,"You need to guide yourself. Grab every joy there is available, my sweet. You will be coming to me again someday. I saw you upset. I was with you when you walked up the stairs and I was gone. . . . The best thing you can do for me is to be happy. Don’t listen to anyone, even the children. You don’t need me for decisions, but I will be there. When your time here is over, you betcha we’ll be together."’”
- Terry’s mother advised her, “Live your own life. Have faith. Just be yourself."
- Terry’s husband Richard reiterated her mother’s advice from spirit. He said, "Be happy. Live for yourself.”
Results of the psychotherapy sessions
The results of these interventions by loved ones in spirit have been that the clients immediately overcome much of the psychological difficulty they have had. Those in spirit make marvelous psychotherapists. This is a sample of the results from the book, Repair and Reattachment Grief Therapy.
- Judy: “The emotional abandonment is too painful to feel. I'm glad that I could say it. That explains a lot to me. I can put things in proper perspective now. Those were childhood feelings. I now have a woman’s experience, knowledge, and skills. I have compassion for the little girl. I don’t have the feelings of the little girl any longer. I am centered and in the present. I will keep balance for today.”
- Michael: “Michael is looking forward to his future. His mom told him he should let go of the past and move forward. He has enrolled in a community college, something he felt he would never do, and plans to go on for a 4-year degree.”
- Emma: “I saw Emma three days after the session. She walked into my office smiling and sat down. I said, ‘How are you doing, Emma?’ She said, ‘I have a sense of happiness I haven’t had for a long, long time. I feel peaceful and calm. And I know Grandma is at peace. I feel a connection with her that I haven’t felt before. I went out and bought new clothes. I went down to the salon and had my hair cut and fixed. I just have this inner peace and relaxation. . . . I saw a big black ball, and then the big black ball blew up. I heard the word “Renewal.” . . . Rochelle, I have become a powerful and self-assured woman.’”
- Maggie: “I hugged Wiley, squeezed him, and cried on his shoulder. Rochelle, I feel comforted and loved. I am not alone.”
- Lori: “He’s watching me. I got to talk to him when he was watching me. It literally, literally changed my memory.”
- Shawn: “Two months later, I spoke with Shawn on the phone. He said, ‘The night after the afterlife connection was the first night I can remember sleeping the entire night through. Now, every night, I stay asleep all night. I'm feeling much better. I can't believe I feel so much better from doing this. I didn't think my mom's death affected me that much now. And I quit working at the post office and started a new career. I'm really happy now.’”
- Jourdan: “I still feel really good for the first time in my life. I am not depressed. Half of my adult life, since my 20s, I’ve been on Zoloft, Lexapro, Prozac and all the rest, but now the whole depression thing has lifted from me.”
Loved ones come during normal psychotherapy sessions to help
Another indication that those on the next plane of life want to come to help their loved ones with their psychotherapy is that they sometimes come during normal psychotherapy sessions with counsel and perspectives.
- Marie had had a psychotherapy session which her grandmother came when Rochelle suggested she ask her a question about a dream Marie had had. In another session, her grandmother entered unexpectedly, without being asked, to aid in her granddaughter’s psychotherapy: “Marie was saying toward the end of the session, ‘I have to learn to step back. I just need to step back. I want to change and I want to get there.’ I had her focus on that while I guided her through a set of the eye movements. When she opened her eyes, she said excitedly, ‘Grandma came in again! Grandma said, “Don’t worry about it now. It will come down the road. You’ll know what to do. Just don’t worry about it. I’ll help you when I can.” Oh, my gosh, Grandma is talking to me! She’s talking to me!’”
The psychotherapists using Repair and Reattachment Grief Therapy to help clients reduce their grief and trauma by connecting with loved ones who have passed are seeing the grief and impact of trauma from the death reduce dramatically, from an average of 9.1 on the 10-point scale before the session to an average of 1.42 by the end, a dramatic reduction. This form of grief therapy simply works.
However, it appears that the Repair and Reattachment Grief Therapy also can play a significant role in psychotherapy, especially when trauma and psychological maladjustment have resulted from the actions of someone now in spirit. Loved ones living on the next plane of life come fervently wanting to help their loved ones on the Earth plane to live happier, more well-adjusted lives. They are able to create scenes that teach insights, give new perspectives on the past and present, teach about life issues and the clients’ future directions in life, set the record straight about incidents from the past, use dreams before and after the sessions to enhance the messages, reassure clients that they are still loved and watched over with no judgments or recriminations, and encourage and nurture the client. Where the client has a myopic perspective on childhood issues, the loved one in spirit provides their perspective to help the client understand and reprocess the thoughts, feelings, and actions.
Repair and Reattachment Grief Therapy happens without intentionally being used by the psychotherapist. It unfolds by itself, orchestrated by those in spirit. Knowing the dramatic effects it has on clients, it should be intentionally used in psychotherapy. It will have dramatic effects on people suffering from traumatic memories, dysfunction and psychological malaise from childhood incidents, and other psychological problems.
Repair and Reattachment Grief Therapy should be studied more thoroughly and considered as a viable, highly effective psychotherapy method.
The Efficacy of EMDR. (nd). EMDR Institute, Inc. Retrieved from http://www.emdr.com/efficacy.htm.
Shapiro, F. (1997). EMDR: The Breakthrough Therapy for Overcoming Anxiety, Stress, and Trauma. Basic Books.
Hogan, R. (2011). Study of the Reduction in Grief from Guided Afterlife Connections. Guided Afterlife Connections Newsletter, Issue 6, December 2011.
Wright, R. and Hogan, R. (2011). Guided Afterlife Connections: They Come to Change Lives. Greater Reality Publications: Normal, Illinois.